“They’ve given you a number and taken away your name.” The TV serial theme was written and performed by Johnny Rivers for the 1960s British series of that name. The series protagonist was Patrick McGoohan (RIP). The series was in the spirit of The Avengers that debuted a few years earlier and that lasted a bit longer than Secret Agent. Or perhaps it was intended as a more refined James Bond – more like Jason Bourne but with less gunplay.
I’ve been thinking about this because I encountered a LinkedIn job opportunity that was recruiting for a Special Agent with a background in healthcare for a position in Austin, Texas. How convenient. I initially thought that this was a position for investigating healthcare fraud and abuse. I did some of that kind of work when I worked for United Healthcare. Most of what I did to keep expenses under control was what folks might call forensic accounting. I wrote database and spreadsheet programs to try to answer the question, “Where did the money go?”
Later, I applied similar techniques to the question, “Who ate all the opiates?” Both endeavors uncovered inappropriate billing (potentially fraud), inappropriate payments (the health plan paying for things it shouldn’t have simply because the plan’s automation systems had serious programming errors), and the drug-seeking behaviors of members who had substance abuse issues. At one point, I had built a plausible case for “pill mill” behavior against some of our Houston area providers. The leadership declined to pursue it, and a year or two after I retired, the FBI arrested a group of physicians for pill mill type fraud. So, it goes.
Of course, at age 73 and now retired for ten years, I’m not looking for a gig. I simply don’t need it, and my worst nightmares these days are about being late for work, forgetting to round on my hospital patients, and other employment-related anxieties. As I said, I Don’t Need It!
I saw this LinkedIn posting for an FBI Special Agent a week ago. Today, it once again appeared in my LinkedIn feed. That’s when it occurred to me! Maybe they aren’t looking for someone to do criminal investigations related stuff like Medicare fraud (a multi-billion-dollar industry, by the way.) Maybe what they want is someone to help in the Trump investigations. It is the FBI after all.
If that’s the case, I wouldn’t qualify because I have no background in proctology. That’s the kind of background that would be best suited for building a criminal case against an asshole.