Billionaire Blue Plate Special

I enjoy a good thought experiment. The more bizarre the proposition, the more interesting. I like cogitating ideas – especially those at the fringes of the social contract. On this occasion, my idea is that we pass a law against the abuse of capitalism. This law would require that we eat anyone whose net worth exceeds a billion dollars at the end of each year.

Now, I am sure that there will be a series of cases that go all the way to the SCOTUS arguing that cannibalism constitutes a violation of the protections granted under the 8th Amendment that prohibit the use of cruel and unusual punishments. I think that this has already been addressed by the simple fact that we still have the death penalty. The law would be upheld over the objections of Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas reciting passages of amicus curiae briefs submitted by the likes of Harlan Crowe and Elon Musk. Thus, it would be perfectly reasonable to humanely anesthetize the offenders (putting them to sleep, as it were), and then preparing them for the table.

I imagine that we could get some great recipes and tasty meals from celebrity chefs such as Bobby Flay (pun intended) and Gordan Ramsay, as well as WCK founder Jose Andres and others. Ah, I can just smell the savory aroma of Scrooge en Brochette. No one would be required to partake of these dishes, of course. That would be optional. Any bits left unconsumed could be fed to the wolves (again, pun intended) or sent to war-torn countries beset by incipient famine.

Turning to the expected societal benefit from this new law, what could we expect? For one, I would expect that billionaires would immediately move to distribute their excess wealth to their eventual heirs despite the tax consequences thus decreasing the federal deficit. Next, I would expect salaries at many large companies to soar – Walmart, Amazon, Tesla, and JP Morgan employees would be in for a windfall as their principles reallocated their personal wealth to the very employees that made them wealthy. Imagine that! The median American income would suddenly rise, resulting in a lower American Gini Coefficient (closer to 50%) and much less income inequality than we have today.

I say we start a new American tradition – eating the rich in celebration of New Years! Billionaire – it’s what’s for dinner.