Alternate Realities

Amidst the flourish of toilets flushing 10-15 times, his Most Odorous Orange Pariah, disgraced and twice impeached Donald J. Trump, ejaculated that Vladimir Putin’s recognition of the separatist areas of Ukraine as independent entities was “smart.” The world has noticed this proclamation from the Bergamot Messiah.

Andrés Manuel López Obrador, President of Mexico, has begun to deploy his country’s military along the US-Mexico border. Mexican troops are already positioned in an arc that spans from El Paso to Presidio, South to Del Rio, Eagle Pass, Laredo, and McAllen all the way to Brownsville. Although US satellite imagery has not yet confirmed it, there are rumors that his plan is to position troops along other borders including those of New Mexico, Arizona and California.

In a sometimes incoherent and rambling speech, the Mexican President said that Tejas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Nevada and California were historically part of Mexico, and that the people in those US sates longed to once again be part of Mexico. “They are our people, part of our culture and an important part of our heritage. We will have them back, if that is what they want, Obrador said. “Catholic separatists along the southern border have long chafed against the institution of White Supremacist capitalism built on the backs of people of color,” he concluded.

Texas militias have sided with Mexico. So have paramilitary groups in the other states along the border. “Our people seeking to settle in the Southern states, under the protection of the greater Mexican alliance, will fight for what is theirs,” Obrador said.