In James Cameron’s epic Avatar: The Way of Water, Jake Sully and his family go into exile from their Na’vi forest home to settle with another Na’vi group that lives on a group of islands. Having developed in such a different environment, the island Na’vi have evolved to thrive in the water. Their physiology is adapted to the ocean.
When the head of the island group decides to give Sully’s family sanctuary, he admonishes his people, “Teach them our ways so they do not suffer the shame of being useless.” The idea of the shame of being useless has crossed my mind several times since I first saw the movie.
In the Matrix Reloaded, agent Smith tells Neo, “It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us; it is purpose that defines us, purpose that binds us.” And I juxtapose this with the shame of being useless. For me, purpose is a crucial element of being useful.
I recall many years ago, chatting with a psychiatrist colleague about how people define themselves. We were having lunch that day. I told her that I could not easily separate my sense of self, my identity, from my doings. She responded that I was not alone in that regard, but that there were cultures among whom the sense of identity was conferred not by accomplishments but by relationships. It was an interesting thought.
The reason that these thoughts rear their heads this evening is that, at our age (I’m 74), death is an ever-present possibility for most of us – more likely from illness than from injury, but both are possible. The prospect of my death causes me little concern. I do not fear it. I expect from it what I experienced before my birth – nothingness.
What concerns me are disability and dependence. I want to feed my own face, wash my own ass, dress myself, and do whatever chores need doing in order for me to live independently. I do not want to rely on others to do these things for me. Am I willing to share the chores? Of course. But I do not wish to know the shame of being useless.
Better the nothingness that awaits me rather than that.
When I read the title, my first thought was about Dr Thomas (I forget his first name), who revolutionized the concept of nursing facilities by adding plants and pets, giving back purpose to the residents. Their purpose in that environment was to care for the plants and pets (not that I ever want to end up a resident).
I remember his work – Bill Thomas, MD of the Eden Alternative. 🙂